Tending Heartbreak
Heartbreak, or the potential for it, is everywhere. While never minimizing tragic losses, or saying someone’s trauma is helpful because it makes them stronger (erg, no), how we tend heartbreaks (big and small) makes the difference in how we experience our lives in their aftermath.
In preparing for the 365 Journeys Circle this week, I opened to a topic in the book, (47 Heartbreak). Damn it, I thought. I feel kind of heartbroken these days, do we have to do this one? Yes. Obviously. I start with a quote on each page of Shamanism for Every Day: 365 Journeys. (This is not a plug for the book, I am trying to give some context) Finding the quotes to go with the journeys was one of my favorite parts of writing the book. The quote for the heartbreak journey is from Andrew Harvey:
“If you’re really listening, if you’re really awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly. In fact, your heart is meant to break; its purpose is to burst open again and again so it can hold ever more wonders.”
Both Ends of the Spectrum
If you have had a session with me, you may have experienced my hand gestures which often include the “on this end of the spectrum, on that end of the spectrum” gesticulation. I can’t help it; it’s in my heritage. About this Harvey quote: On one end of the spectrum, I honor the idea that heartbreak is not just tragedy. Big feelings on both ends of the spectrum can expand our capacity. Beautiful, tender things bring me to tears regularly.
On the other end of the spectrum, I don’t think our “purpose” is to be broken and put back together. Learn, Heal, Evolve (have you heard that somewhere before? 🙂 Yes, we are here to learn, heal, and evolve, and that involves some form of heartache. If there is no resistance or challenge – if life is cushy – it’s easy to stagnate and stay the same. Learning and growth are hard. Having our hearts break is something else. Deep wounding is something else.
Hope
I learned the term “nauseously optimistic” recently and paused to reflect. In fighting my natural realism, do I venture into false hope? Perhaps. I have ample evidence in my life of dark times turning into wonderful things. But, it does a disservice to put a hopeful, happy spin on the truly terrible in a way that bypasses the damage. It disrespects a victim or survivor of certain circumstances to talk about heartbreak and how we are made to expand and see beauty, etc. To be fair, I don’t think this is what Andrew Harvey is saying, and this is one quote isolated from context. It is certainly not my philosophy or approach to life. And, I do believe in miraculous turns of events and amazing grace in every day events. How we view and tend heartbreak and its aftermath is a delicate and important topic; I’m musing on how we might approach it together.
Tending Heartbreak
If you are suffering from heartbreak or its aftermath, if grief and her sister emotions are spending time with you now, or seem to have moved in permanently, know you are not alone. Find yourself a kind ear, please. Come to circle if you feel inclined. Sit with me, a trusted counselor, or a friend. Curl up with a cat or dog. Find someone you trust. Be among the trees and the birds. Look at some art in a museum.
You are not alone. Together, we can reweave ourselves.

Thank you, Mara. I loved this and it is very helpful.
Thank you, Melissa!