We each have an energetic personality, a way of interacting in the world and relating to others that is as distinct as our voice. You are born with your energetic personality; however, it also evolves and changes as you do. In many ways our energetic personalities mirror what we believe our character traits or outward personalities are. For example, shy people often hold their energy close to their bodies and suspicious people can be closed energetically to those around them. Extroverts send their energy outward quickly to connect with others, and aggressive people may emit overpowering energy. But your energetic personality is subtler than your physical actions. You may try to act a particular way even if it goes against your nature. For example, you may wish to appear more easy-going or spontaneous than you are naturally, trying to accept last minute changes in plans with a smile, but typically your energy is a more truthful representation of your true nature. For the more sensitive people around you, your “acting” may be undermined by what is sensed about you on the energetic level.

Our personal energetics are the subtlest way we engage others in the world. We sense people with our energy bodies as quickly as we sense them with our eyes. We each have an energetic personality, a unique way of showing up in the world and interacting with others. As we can learn to understand our own energetic personalities, we can begin to sense those of other people. We are interacting on a spiritual or energetic level all the time, although most people are unaware of it.

Have you noticed how some people fill up a room? We have various ways to describe that dynamic; we call them charismatic, dominant, or show-offs, maybe. People with that quality are often giving their energetic personalities free expression. That way of being in the world can be off-putting to those who hold their energy closer in. It can feel overwhelming. To the more energetically expansive person, the quieter one can appear cold, shy, or almost invisible. Just as we are responsible for our words and body language, it helps to understand our energetic personalities. When you come into a room, do you size it up quickly, place yourself in the most powerful position, and immediately start a conversation? Or do you hang back at the periphery and get a sense of the group before joining in? When you’re mad, do you fume at everyone around you or do you hold the energy inside you? Do you jump in and express yourself fully, but maybe without thought for how you affect those around you, or are you overly concerned with not imposing yourself on anyone?

As a child of seven or eight, I was with my grandfather in a golf cart. Somebody hit a golf ball and it hit me hard in the chest. Grandpa was angry and tossed the ball back at him, saying, “You hit the kid!” As we drove away, I called after the golfer “Sorry!” I was actually apologizing for messing up his golf shot! I was startled by Grandpa’s unusual show of anger and felt embarrassed that I was the cause. From my perspective now, I was overly concerned with not being a nuisance to anyone. He hit me with a careless shot and I was apologizing. Become aware of how you naturally relate to others on that level and make adjustments as you see fit.

We connect to one another through channels of energy, which often appear like cords or tendrils that join one body to another. These cords solidify relationships and can help bind us to one another psychically. They can also be burdensome when relationships are not entirely healthy, especially when one person is draining energy from another. These energetic connections manifest from the first moments of our lives. From birth, there is an “etheric umbilicus” that connects mother and child. As we make relationships, we form other connecting cords from our solar plexus region. When a relationship ends, these energy cords will often dissipate.

In my early intuitive development work, my teacher had us take turns standing in front of the room in pairs. The rest of the class would watch and try to see how the two people engaged each other energetically. It was amazing. We could sense the distinct energetic personalities of our classmates in their relationship to each other. Just standing in close proximity incited a range of responses. Some people sent out many tendrils of energy right away, reaching out to the other person quickly and with their whole being. Others were more cautious, sending out an exploratory cord to see if they felt comfortable with the other person. If they did, they would send out more of their energy to mingle.

Our energetic personalities often mirror how we interact with people in our everyday lives. Introverts may tend to be slower in opening energetically to a person they don’t know. Spunky, exuberant types may jump right in and send their energy out quickly. One way is not better than another, but they affect us differently. Our energetic personality affects the way we view the world and how we respond to other people who enter our lives. There are some people who just do not harmonize energetically, and will not be comfortable with each other no matter what they do. There are some people you’re going to like or dislike right away. You may be sensing them energetically and picking up aspects of their personality that feel comfortable or uncomfortable to you. Consider accepting this energetic explanation, rather than finding intellectual reasons to justify your instinctual like or dislike.

As you pay attention to your own energetic personality, you can find balance with how you express your true self. Many misunderstandings begin at the energetic level. You meet someone for the first time and, because they are more reserved energetically than you are, you think they don’t like you. We take our interactions with other people very personally, even when their responses have nothing to do with us. We translate other people’s energetic personalities through our personal filters. When people have a very different style from our own, it tends to cause discomfort, at least initially. Instead of making quick assumptions about people, try to become sensitive to their energy. Once you are aware of these differences in energetic style, you can usually find ways to interact that feel safe and comfortable for both parties. When you look through shaman’s eyes at the people around you, you pick up on subtleties often missed with everyday vision. Try to become sensitive to how you express yourself nonverbally and to how other people’s energy personalities affect you.